Seven Common Parenting Mistakes

I have never claimed to be the perfect parent.  Usually, the perfect parenting moment for me arrives just after I made a not-so-perfect parental decision.  I do like to read advice on parenting and pass along those that I feel strike a nerve with me, and maybe you as the reader.

Dr. Tim Elmore is an expert in the transition of children becoming adults.  He has written over twenty-five books and founded Growing Leaders http://growingleaders.com/ which is dedicated to mentoring today’s young people to become the leaders of tomorrow.  Here is his take on some parental behaviors which keep our children from growing into leaders:

Ø  We don’t let our children experience risk.  Children should be able to fail without parental interference.  We have all heard about helicopter parents…sometimes you need to turn off the key and let your child crash.  (this is probably the hardest thing as a parent to do)

Ø  We rescue too quickly.  It is human nature to swoop in and protect our children.  As in the first point, we are removing the child’s ability to navigate choppy waters on their own.  We need to remember that children are often much more resilient than we are as adults.

Ø  We rave too easily.  Face Book posts are such a culprit here.  When our children hear us constantly rave and sometimes downplay poor behavior, children often avoid difficult realities and can resort to lying and cheating. 

Ø  We let guilt get in the way of learning well.  Children can get over disappointments in life, but it is much more difficult to get over being spoiled.  Material rewards for something like good grades takes away any possibility of intrinsic motivation or unconditional love.

Ø  We don’t share our past mistakes.  Teenagers will push the envelope.  These may be the very envelopes you pushed when you were there age.  “Life lessons” are more meaningful when it is YOUR life as their parent.  Share your feelings on how you felt in a break-up, or being left out of a party.

Ø  We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity.  Children learn and grow at different rates.  Keep from comparing your child to those around them.  There is no magic age of responsibility and research shows that the brain is not fully developed until the ages of 20-23.

Ø  We don’t practice what we preach.  We need to model the life we want our children to live.  If that means praying before a meal in a crowded restaurant, then those behaviors must be modeled by you.  Be mindful of those ethical choices that are before you…there are always another set of eyes or two watching what you will do.

One of Dr. Elmore’s favorite lines is, “coach them, more than coddle.”  There are many moments in the past I would have loved to practice these but failed in doing so.  Perhaps we can allow our parents, our children’s grandparents to display these seven mistakes!

My next blog will discuss some thoughts from attending the National Association of Elementary School Principals Conference held right here in Central Tennessee!

If it's Thursday it must be Soccer, or is it Ballet?

I am a huge proponent of the arts, athletics, hobbies, and other endeavors which help to round out who we are as people.  The most common pastime for me and my neighborhood friends was to head to the field for football or baseball depending on the season.  A few of us even had an indoor hockey league during those snowy days in Michigan and we would take our plastic hockey players and play on each other’s table top hockey games, complete with statistics.  We would play until the sun started to go down and run home as fast as we could before dark, sometimes we even made it.

Today, things have changed quite a bit.  If your child has a special interest, you can find others locally and enroll your child in that endeavor.  Most of these things take our finances and more importantly our time.

Here are some healthy guidelines about scheduling (and over scheduling your child’s time) from the National Association of Elementary School Principals:

>  Aim for three activities.  A great balance would include one athletic, one artistic and one social, not necessarily all in one week.

>  Limit involvement.  This avoids burnout and keeps the child focused on just a few activities.

>  Broaden their horizons.  Encourage “stretching” their interests with new pursuits.

>  Be supportive and not critical.  You should be your child’s biggest cheerleader.  The goal should be to expand a child’s interest, not to live vicariously through them or to expect the next LeBron James.

>  Schedule downtime.  We all need time to reflect, rest, and relax.

>  Change it up.  Time and energy spent on one sport or activity can be draining and can lead to burn out.

>  Watch for signs of stress.  This is a key factor for not only your child, but you as well.  Watch for signs of stress in your child including stomachaches, headaches, difficulty paying attention and a drop off in interest in the activity.

>  Decompress at home.  Family dinners are an excellent way to communicate about what is going on in the lives of each family member.  Schedule regular dinners with everyone at the table at the same time.

We all want what is best for our children.  Sometimes we need to take a

step back rather than forward.